Anyway, I come here to blog to relieve the monotonous routine of my more than boring life. I'm not kidding, okay? My life just aren't moving. It's struck in the rut.

So my life and future just a muddled haze. That's it, if I even have a future at all. =S

God bless the Queen.

Nothing happening in my life.=(

Hi all,

Now that I have no more work, I'm just so glad/ free/ happy and all the positive words that come with it! =) MUHAHAHA!! Bet all the diligent JC-ers are just so jealous of me, having to work hard and all while I rest at home doing nothing at all.

Anyway, my insane internet just ban itself from accessing to serveral webpages, ex. like, blogskins.com and other serveral important webpages. Well, it's just iritaing lah. Hopefully, it will wake up from it's lunatic mood soon. *grunt*

That's all, folks. Nothing happen in my life nowadays. NOTHING at all.

=)

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I have no work now!! No engagment!! No commitment!!! NOTHING!! HAHAHA!!!! I'm just so glad!!

Superficial

I decided to blog today, after not being able to blog due to lack of insporation. Man, seriously my head is going bonker these days with no felicious words to describe it. I was rather mad/depress/disillusion for no apparent reason. But then again, let's pardon my unpardonable behaviour.

This week was a rather eventful week. There's interesting visitors-- gorgeous ones and annoying ones alike. Yes, there was a day ( two days ago ) which all supermodels came for an event. And gosh, you could just imagine all the awesome display of hunks and babes. I know looks are superficial, but then again I have eyes, you see.

And today I went home with mao and Joann. Joann gave me a bag, I gave her a jacket.

That's all for now, folks...

=)

Insane

Hi, I just have no mood to blog. I'm convinced I'll die anyway, so why should I bother to blog? Life's been so and so. I'm an extremely boring person. No life, no idea, no entries. But I'm going bugis to shop later. See you around.

I'm driven insane by the lunatic printer.

Self-control

I think I'm going insane. No freak, but I'm really am. I want to make this blog my personality, my blog. Something which belongs to me only. And since I'm going insane, this blog is going to be insane too. Because I'm crazy, absurd, ridiculous. I'm just plain derange. I'll just blog about things that doesn't have a piece of reality, like my feelings without a reason. Like a tree without a root, like a heaven without a hell. Like me without my senses.

I think I'm going to die, if not I'll think about dying so much that I'll just give in unconciously until I subconciously commit sucide and die. Then I'll be hurl to hell, thrust in the face of Satan but I'll be too insane to even think. I will be an idiot until even moron laugh at me. My tuant nerves will not rest, but in helll i'll again think of dying until dead is just another word and makes no senses to me anymore. Everything is just a facade and nothing is real anymore.

I'm just so addicted to cutting. No, I'm not cutting myself yet. But still I'm so tempted to cut myself up and feel something real for once. Something that lingers and will not go away. And pain is one of them that lingers and stay and real, of course. Pain, a dose of it will heal me. My medicine, my remedy. I'm a saddist, a cynic, a nihilist, whatever you call me. I just have no more faith left to live. I'm crazy. I need to live on the extreme, step over the line to feel, to live because I feel that I don't exist. It's just too painful to be breathing sometimes. I need to live, not breath. I just don't want to care. I want to cut and cut myself more. At least at that I exist.

I want to die. I kept reminiscing the good old days when I can just pop a dozen pills down my throat and feel like death touch me and cacoon me in its warm embrace. People who didn't feel this or try this before think I'm crazy, derange but the feeling is just so full, so wonderful. I'm in love with death itself. I must die. Yes, die. DIE!!! I must. Afterall, we all all born to die, isn't it?

People sometimes ask me whar's my reason for attempting suicide last time, then I ask you what's your reason to live? I search and searched but I can't find any.

DEAD.

I don't klnow what to do, what to think anymore. Because I was made into flesh, made into human without choice, I have to oblige whatever fate I have to endure ahead of me. Sometime I feels like a robort, something which nobody would glance upon or notice my existance. I'm sick of feeling things, laughing because they all sounded so hollow, so disgusting right next to my ear. I can't satisfy myself nor others. I believe I truly lost it all-- all the will to live and breath. I'm just a stupor stump waiting for the angel of death to come. It is a long wait, a very long wait indeed.

I just can't see anything. I try to be optimistic. I know a person drowning won't think he'll survive. but in the end it will be otherwise. I think I'm somehow trapped. I just can feel the fathomless abyss of darkness surrounding me. But I can't see the end. I think I'm going to die.

Thank you --a word less known.

Hey darlings, how's life and everything?

Yesterday I went out with Sim and Gopi and I really have a lot to thank them. I was at SunTec with Sim and we went to delifrance and have tea. I had plain green tea and potato wedges while he had sundae and sort for tea. Sim talked to me a lot about everything. From my past all the way to my shaky ground of future. And I thought about the options I have right now. What should I do?

And then there was my buddy Gopi. Thanks guy, for helping out and stuff. It's really destressing talking to you.=) All those nice words of encouragment really helps but I'm starting to doubt my ability and everything I ever had. I don't really know how long I can hang on but life's like that anyway.

Also, there was my kor, Mao. Ah ya, you should know who I'm talking about. Thanks kor hor, you'd helped me straighten out a lot of thoughts=), especailly lately!! And I'm sure it must be irritating hearing all my ranting. Heex. Wish we go to same school, okay?


=) And p/s for those who keep wondering how I fare for my O'level, I want to tell you I didn't did that badly. but the problem is I didn't exactly fare well either. I'm in a delimma of what to do. My L1R5 is below 25 anyway and my L1R4 is just average. So you might as well stop guessing.

Actually... ...

Actually, I'm at loss of what to do.
Actually, I wish and pray for someone to guide me.
Actually, I want to fell God's pressence.
Actually, I find solace in sleeping.
Actually, I don't know what I want.
Actually, everything seemed confusing.
Actually, I'm perplex on the end of my crooked nerves.
Actually, I forgit what is it to feel sad or any other emotions anymore.
Actually, I just want to be me.
Actually, I want nothing more at all.
Actually, I feel empty but happy.

Actually, I don't know where all these crap come from.


Heex.=)

My DARLING Yun Xian, how are you? Darling Yun Xian is definitely fine. And there's an JAE admission to shatter her peace. She don't understand why everyone is so freak out over it. She just thought it was a mere piece of crumpled (well, at least that was in her bag) paper. You can't blame DARLING Yun Xian for being messy. And also there was a problem about the unsuccessful attempt of the inane admission scribbled on the blank screen of her computer. She actually didn't mind but then everyone was talking about it. And she definitely couldn't get the whole absurb truth. She thought and still thought it was a mere pieace of crumpled paper stuffed in her bag. However, she was reminded that some juveniles actually commited the unforgivable sucides over that mere piece of paper. She wished she was there to tell them that when they were actually dying.

And everyone was saying "don't be sad lah". But DARLING Yun Xian couldn't get it. How could she attempt to eliminate the word "sad" when it's not there in the picture in the first place? She actually don't care but had a sinking suspision that everyone thought she was insane with her public display of her hack care atitude. She also contemplate the pondering question in her head-- did she actually consume excessive lead poison? Because that's the poison that caused one of the Rome kings in B.C. to actually played musical instrutment in the admist of his beautiful kingdom set on fire. If she did, it must have give a lucid explanation of her hack care attitude.

And also, DARLING Yun Xian couldn't get it. She actually have 6 O'level credits but what fuck is it that most of her friends can get into something when they did worse than her? But nvm, it not like DARLING Yun Xian cares anyway.

DARLING Yun Xian knows Sim is going to scream at her head on when Sim learn about her attitude. XD But Darling Yun Xian doesn't really cares anyway. Scream then scream lor. Sim will have to come in terms with the truth one day. Darling Yun Xian knows Sim wants her to appeal. BUT Darling Yun Xian don't want lor. She don't know what she wants. She just wants time to think until she knows what to do. But DARLING Yun Xian don't want go appeal. It's just too tedious for her to handle. Darling Yun Xian just wants to slp. But time is ticking away.....

DARLING Yun Xian actually knows what to do. But whether she'll get support is another matter altogether. Life is easier when other people loves and supports you. She wants Sim support but she secretly knows it WON'T happen. She's on her own.

BTW, in case Darling Yun Xian forgets, Sim is just a friend. A friend whom she developed good rapport with. A friend who will never read this blog. A friend who reached her when she's fall. And that's the definition of a good friend. Thus, in conclusion, Sim is a good friend.=)