Today is another day of mingle up emotions, filled with hollow laughter and fake sadness. I spent the day listening to friends' laughter and melody singing, except that I basically dun feel their emotions. I reallie don't know why, I dun blog this to try to get pple's attention but this is my blog I write wat I want.

They sang songs. Nice, touching songs, funny songs sad love songs. But it doesn't reallie matter anyway, I reallie can't feel any thing no matter how hard I tried. I think I love the feeling of numb anyway, it's nice and comfortable knowing that pple can't hurt you. I told somebody I dun care if my parents die in fornt of me. But the truth is even if I die, I dun care anyway. Makes no diffferences to me, so watever. I cool about dying But I no longer cut myself.. because it mkes no differences to me anymore. I dun feel, can't even feel pain. I no longer feel like I'm in control when I cut myself, so I dun. I think of ways to torture a soul, I think I'm cut out to be a great author that writes book to kill. But I dun want to be a servant of devil. I want god but I hope he doesn't want me because I dun deserve it I'm a disappointment itself, I should die and evaporate to nothingness.. but it doesn't matter anyway, Ican't live and I can't die. Does anyone knows how it feels to be caught in the middle?