Just recieve news about the death of my eighty years old plus grandmother's death. It seemed so foreign as if reading the death of another being in the orbituary section. Who was she anyway? She was just another person I called "related" to me since the birth of Adam. A person that had a story weaved around me so tightly and yet I was never part of her life, her memories. The only regret that I had was that "it would be better", yes it would be if time would rewind but time couldn't. So let it be that she rest well in the soil of the earth.

It's strange isn't it? I cried when Miss jane and Juli left. However when it comes to my own family, I am paralyse of emotions. The pendulum of time always swinging and yet I'm draining away. I wish one day I'll see her again, then maybe I'll shed about the past and the fact that she had a missing grandaughter an I have a out of touch grandmother that never smile at me.

Today school was normal. I was just the ordinary me, trying to laugh at my own not-so-funny jokes. I got sick of life and I could see eyes scrutinising me, wondering what planet I'm from. Nasreen, mariam and me talked about horse. Neigh,neigh. Okay, that's about enough wasn't it? It was a mean gossip but I like it. Mother tongue period was so fun. And I just love the fact that the word "studying" is so far away from my life.

Yeah and yesterday was just a pathetic day that wasn't a pert of my memories. Biology practical was dumb. People did dumb thing and stuff. It was a joke itself and I seriously doubt the atitude of some of my dearest classmates. Did they ever take anything seriously? Now we were sort of disecting some fish. But being a insane saddist as usual,some of them just ended up taking all the dear organs of the deader fish and poke it with the look-alike barbeque stick which also so happen to poke my index finger right at the start of the hectic practical. however, Lui Chang was the one that set me thinking whether the rest of the world was just plain insane. She's one eccentric creature. Is it me or is it the world? Gosh, she actaully took the fish that was for biology practical and just cook it. It stunned me obiviously and the best part of it is that she actually eat it and shared it with us. I heard the taste was good. But haing a major phobia of fish, I declined and resisted eating even a crumb of it. It was sure an amusing sight. Wow, the wonders of human mind. But in one way or another, although I personally find it disgusting, I was definately more amused and impressed to actually notice it at that point of time. Dearest, she just makes a small wonder just being herself, wasn't it?

Mum and dad are still in the hospital now. I lovei t. No parents, no pressure. Hehe.

Make a few new layouts but just don't feel like changing. I grew sick of this one since so long ago but the thought of giving up something so familar scare me. I like security as much as a fish needs water. And the touch of familiarity just leaves me hanging on the thin air feeling breathlessly enjoyable. Okay, it sounds contradicting. Love it and hate it.

If I ever change my layout or maybe even right now. It be something gothic or something that seemed too sweet to be chew and taste. Spitting you out on the floor. It seems nice.