These few days went back home late. Very late. Yesterday reach home 3+. The day before din even went home. Drink a bit,only a bit. But I still feel guilty after drinking. Cause I once promised myself that I will not drink, smoke or gamble. But so far only haven't gamble, the rest I broke it. I felt stress, very stress. Stress until the point I am at the brink, at the brink of everything and all the possiblities of my future is on the stake, on the other edge. Don't force me, I pray. I will stand strong, god please give me some grace.

Got a lot of things on my mind, all swirling, all spinning. I felt controlled, I felt amimated. I don't know wat I'm doing anymore. I wish the world would stop. Cut myself yesterday becasue of some stuff, in fornt of somebody. Want to say sorry, don't mean it. I don't even consider the consequences of anything anymore, until the blood came out,staining my hand a big ugly red. I don't know why I did that, I was drove to desperation in hoping that my words would be taken in seriously, so I cut. Cut in fornt of the person, after that I felt stupid and silly. I know my consellor will ask me wat happen tml. haha. Bad move, shouldn't have cut it before monday, now have to be question again. I also know some people are concern about me. I don't know, I'm starting to let people in into my life again. Starting to because I saw some people cried over me hurting myself, starting to when I saw people went all way out just to do tiny little things for me, starting to because I felt that I'm leting people around me down becasue I don't love myself a teeny weeny bit more. Sorry and thanks to all the people who is around me all these while, always try to be there, always take time out for me. THANKS. I can't promise I don't cut, but I'll try, and that's the best I can ever give now...

Dunnoe wat homework to do today. Actually prelim next week but I played this week away. Nvm. In a few months time I'll leave this school. I had everything plan. Maybe going to move out if I don't continue studying. Going to work. Want to take some time out for myself. Maybe a year long holiday may help. Maybe not.

Tomorrow will be a different day.