Today, we got back our results. I do't know how I feel about it. The feelings close to nothingness. A little tinted with happiness then it melted away, giving way to an odd feeling. Undescripable, odd, just odd.


Then I saw somebody I didn't eant to see today. An awkward smile exchanged.. How does t feels to smile at somene who backstabbed you two years ago and pretended to be your friend till now? I tell you it felt weird, as if smiling at your own enemy, knowing that the smile means nothing in extention of friendship. I wished I did not smile, but I did.

I wondered if min shi is going to retake the paper. I feel second rated (no offense to anyone), I mean, I really felt second rated because I was such a disappointment to others. And it's NOT because I did not live up to MY expectations but because I failed others expectations. I'm constantly living in others' eye, in a way I can't escape. I felt very pressurised, as in VERY in capital letters. I can't fall, this is something others don't expect me to, so I can't. I'm constantly measured up to another, and I aren't allow to live the way I wanted to. But it's life.

Did anyone tell anyone that complacency is one of the ingredients to failure? No, I'm not complacent, but I do happen to overlook small stuff that I can't reverse it. But who cares? It's done and gone with it. I don't want to look back but not the fornt either. Just struck, still struck.